Doreen Marguerite Lewis
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luzi3309
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Eulogy
Doreen Marguerite Fry (my Mum), was born at home in Folkestone, Kent on 9th July 1935. The Fry family were living at the time in 12 New Street in Folkestone - my grandparents, William and Ellen together with Mum’s elder siblings, Winifred (Winnie or Win, born 1926) and Leonard (Len born 1931), and then later, in 1942, Anne, Mum’s youngest sister.
Although the family got on with their lives quite happily at No. 12, World War II arrived and made Folkestone a more dangerous place to live as the town was regularly shelled and bombed due to its strategic location on the English Channel. In close proximity to German-occupied France, the war was quite literally on their doorstep and dominated Mum’s early life. During one such bombing raid a parachute mine landed on New Street, causing significant damage to over 200 houses - one of those was No. 12. Mum often recounted the tale of that night in December 1943, when the family emerged from the air-raid shelter at the top of the street to see their home wrecked. William and Ellen and their children then relocated across the street to No. 3, where various members of the family remained for many, many years until my Grandmother, Ellen, passed away in 1990.
As was common for children located in towns like Folkestone during the War, Mum and her siblings were evacuated. Mum was placed near Win and Len in South Wales, and was looked after by a lovely lady called Mrs Griffiths. Mum loved it there in the Welsh countryside and by all accounts had a wonderful time. However, her mother Ellen arrived for a visit one day and realised how much she missed her youngest daughter and promptly took her back to Folkestone! As you can imagine, Mum was very unhappy about this and was still retelling this story until a few months ago - she was very sad to leave and missed her siblings. Unfortunately, the authorities would not allow Mum to remain in harm’s way, so she was evacuated again - this time to Devon and on her own. It was a sad time for Mum as she missed her family terribly and often said that she used to stand on the nearby railway line and if she knew which direction was home, she would have started walking.
For Mum growing up, there were lots of extended family close by - Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents - and throughout my life, Mum would recount to me many tales of Christmases and family occasions spent together. There is no doubt that Mum loved her family very much and held her memories of them close all her life. Later, when the dementia progressed, most of Mum’s focus was her childhood, teenage years and the family she loved so dearly. It gave her great comfort to talk about the people and events of her youth.
Mum attended a School called Mundella in Folkestone and absolutely loved it. She was a bright student and loved her studies and spent a lot of time with her best friend, Rose, who lived around the corner. When she finished School at age 15, Mum had ambitions to be a hairdresser, but in those days you needed to pay for an apprenticeship and the family did not have the funds for this, so Mum went to work in a local knitwear factory. This did not end well, however, as Mum cut her hand badly and had to receive a skin graft - they moved her away from the dangerous machines after that!
As a teenager, one of Mum’s favourite things was to go dancing with her friend Rose, often in the Lees Cliff Hall in Folkestone, where her sister Win would sing with a local band. Mum absolutely loved it! Alongside dancing, another passion of hers was the cinema. Mum’s Aunt (also called Winifred) had emigrated to Canada after the War and used to send her magazines published in America, featuring glamorous stars, film reviews, and behind-the-scenes stories that made her favourite actors and actresses more accessible. She kept them all and was upset years later to find out that her mother had thrown them all away when she moved to Swansea! The family didn’t have a lot of money, so Mum’s wages were handed over to my Grandmother, who would return some spending money to her, which Mum promptly spent mostly on tickets to the cinema to see the stars of the 40s and 50s in the latest films, her most favourite being Betty Grable, who she absolutely idolized.
Mum adored her siblings, Win, Len and Anne. Despite Mum’s teenaged grumbles at having to look after the much younger Anne when she wanted to be off doing things with her friends, she doted on her and they were very close. Mum much admired her older, and as she saw it, more glamorous, sister Win and remained close with her until her passing in 2002. My Uncle Len and Mum were the closest in age and Mum had a special bond with Len as they grew up. They had a close and loving relationship - except when Mum used to sneak into his room and listen to his 78s, got caught, then there was hell to pay! Mum visited Folkestone regularly over the years, maintaining her relationships with her siblings and her own Mum, who visited Swansea often, sometimes bringing my cousins for a visit. There were many holidays spent in Kent - and I have so many lovely memories of many, many happy holidays spent in 3 New Street with my Folkestone-family and the great times we shared. Sadly, we lost Len in 2016, but Mum remained close and involved with Anne, speaking on the phone every Sunday morning for hours and hours, until she too passed away in 2022
Mum was still in her early teens when Len met and married his wife Rita, and Mum and her became great friends. Rita and Len soon welcomed their first child, Ian and then a daughter, Elaine, and then their youngest child, Stephanie came along too. Mum was obsessed! She formed a very close bond with her little nieces and nephew, which was lifelong, and she missed them terribly when she eventually moved away.
In 1954, something seismic happened that changed the course of Mum’s life forever. During one evening out in a local coffee bar with her friend, Rose, they bumped into a young squadie that Rose was ‘seeing’ at the time who was stationed in the local Shorncliffe army barracks. Rose’s boyfriend was there with his friend, Bill, another squadie, who Mum thought looked like the Hollywood actor, Montgomery Clift. They chatted for a bit, but although Mum thought he was quite handsome, she was not at all sure about this sarcastic, cocky Welshman! They met again accidently in the town centre a little while later, and Bill asked her out on a date - which she accepted despite her reservations - but later said he was definitely not her type and she wasn’t going to go. The evening came around though, and she found herself getting ready, much to my grandmother’s amusement. The date was a success, and soon they were in a steady relationship. Although I’m not sure she ever got totally used to his sense of humour, Bill went on to be the love of her life - her adoring husband and my lovely Dad.
After Dad left the army having finished his national service, he moved to Slough and worked for Great Western Railway, commuting regularly to Folkestone to see Mum. They would often meet in London for the day - going for lunch in Lyons Tea Rooms - and it was on one such visit that Dad proposed. Mum said YES and they married in Folkestone on 11th August 1956. As mentioned already, Mum was very close to her family, especially my Grandmother, and everyone was very surprised when she announced that they would be starting married life in Swansea, which is where Dad was from and where it was more likely he would find work. Such was her love for my Dad, she moved away from her family to start a life hundreds of miles away - no mean feat in those days. Mum was very homesick when she first arrived in Swansea, but it helped having Dad’s family nearby. They first lived in a flat in King Edward’s Road, then moving to Walter Road which is where they were living when I came along in 1966.
Dad had two lovely sisters, Elizabeth (Beth) and Beatrice (Bea), and Mum always expressed how lucky she was to have such wonderful sisters-in-law, and with whom she was very close. Mum was a very hands-on and engaged Auntie to their children, my cousins, Philippa and Ian, and Susan, Debby and Paul. Mum spent a significant amount of time with her nephews and nieces in Swansea, looking after them, and eventually some of their own children, on many occasions. The property in Walter Road that Mum and Dad lived in was home to all three families at one point or another - with a flat upstairs and one downstairs - Mum had easy access to her family and revelled in her role as ‘Auntie Dor’. Throughout their married life, Mum and Dad spent a lot of time with Beth, and also Bea and her husband, Ken - who were good friends as well as family. Mum really appreciated spending time with Bea and Ken - with days out, coffee and ice-cream dates being special to them both.
Christmases, birthdays and special occasions were always shared with these important people - sisters, brothers, cousins, nephews and nieces. The bonds formed early on remained in place until eventually time took away the people they loved so much. Beth and Mum remained extremely close until Beth passed away a few years ago - a special relationship and a closeness that was precious to Mum for so many years, more like sisters than sisters-in-law, so important to Mum given the physical distance from her own family.
Mum and Dad eventually moved to Sketty Park, to the house that I grew up in and where they lived together very happily for the rest of their married life until just over a year ago. They would have been married 69 years this August. Sadly, they couldn’t have a large family, as they both so wanted - there was only me. As loved and wanted as I was, there is no doubt that Mum grieved for the children she never had, the ones that didn’t make it - but it made our bond so much more significant. In time, I had my own children, and Mum became Nana - and I couldn’t have given her a more precious gift. Mum stopped being a full-time Mum when I started in primary school, and she started a part-time job in a local shop - where she worked for many years, and where she made lots of friends. However, by the time she became Nana she was retired and was overjoyed to be able to look after her grandsons and help care for them.
The arrival of Daniel, my first child, was a hugely significant time for my Mum. She spent so much time with me while I was pregnant and pitched in and helped so much after he was born. She was devoted to him the instant she saw him, a few minutes after he was born, and was over the moon to finally be a Nana. She was just as thrilled when Dylan arrived a few years later and was totally captivated - again she was a very hands-on and involved Nana and she loved them both so, so much. I was very lucky to have the best baby-sitter in the world to look after my two boys while I returned to work. Later, my two boys regularly went to my parent’s house after school and played video games and watched TV with their Nana - with Power Rangers and The Clone Wars common choices. Yes, my mother did indeed play video games (her favourite was Tomb Raider) and one or other of the boys often had to do a bit that Nana was stuck on! Such lovely memories for us but such a precious time for my Mum, who was so proud of her boys and who couldn’t have loved them more. Christmas was always spent with us at our home and we have so many wonderful memories of being together as my children grew up - something that was always so important to both Mum and Dad.
Mum was so happy when Chris and Hari joined our family. Chris quickly became a caring son that would do anything for his mother-in-law and who played such a crucial role in her last years. He cared for both my Mum and Dad leading up to Dad’s passing, helping both of them in Dad’s final months. He made such a difference to them. Mum also really appreciated having a grandaughter and loved Hari like her own. It was wonderful that we could have both of them at Hari and Owain’s wedding - a special day, and one for us to treasure even more as Mum and Dad were there. Mum was delighted when Daniel had found himself a lovely partner to share his life with, Katie, and loved our trips up to see them both, so happy in their new life in Bristol.
Her interest in film and cinema stayed with Mum throughout her life - she loved musicals particularly. She was over the moon when she and Dad had a holiday in California and they managed to visit Hollywood and do a studio tour. A gift that Mum has given me is her love of classic films like Gone with the Wind and West Side Story, both of which were particular favourites. I have memories of her joy in re-watching them when we eventually had a video player and neither of us being able to speak or look at each other for a while after the end of West Side Story. We were both in bits. The piece included today for the reflection is from the film and I know Mum would have loved it. Also included today are songs by two of her favourite artists - Nat King Cole and Andy Williams. The latter singing the closing theme, Moon River, from the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s, another favourite of ours that will always remind me of my lovely Mum.
There are many things that I think also define my Mum - she was passionate about animals and was a vegetarian for much of her life. Mum had many pets over the years, cats and dogs - and she even had a tropical fish tank for quite some time! The animals she shared with Dad meant so much and were never forgotten. Their dogs - Shandy, Tessa, Benjy, and the cats, Sacha, Libby and Pepe. So loved and missed so much. She was also an avid reader and loved history - therefore, read and enjoyed many historical novels. As a child, I was taken to many historically significant places - castles and manor houses, museums and heritage sites - and this was often driven by Mum, and in so doing imbued me with a love of history too. So much so that I did a degree in it! It might surprise my family to know that she was also an able seamstress - and made a lot of clothes for me when I was a child. She also loved doing cross-word puzzles and playing bingo - and went with her friend Jean to play regularly. She often bought me a little something if she won - which she often did as she was good!
Sadly, much later in life Mum developed dementia, and although still sweet and lovely, robbed us of the wonderful mother, Nana and Auntie she once was. Dad looked after her and cared for her and was her devoted and loving husband to the end. Unfortunately, by the time both my lovely Auntie Beth and my Dad passed away, the progression of the disease meant Mum no longer understood what was happening. This was a blessing in disguise as it saved her the heartache of losing not only her precious sister-in-law, Beth, but also my Dad, her rock and the love of her life. As sad as it is, I am relieved that I didn’t have to witness the suffering those losses coming so close together would have brought in normal times, as I know it would have been unbearable for her.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the staff at The Hollies - the wonderful care home that Mum moved to after Dad’s death. Their excellent and meticulous care made an immeasurable difference to me and my family - knowing Mum was so well looked after was a huge comfort. Not least in the last few weeks of her life - I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough for what you did for Mum, you cared for her and retained her dignity to the end.
Lastly, I would also like to show my appreciation for the help, care and guidance given by my cousin, Philippa. She was a huge support with Dad, and again with Mum. You sat with me and helped care for Mum in her final days and I will never forget it. I am incredibly grateful to you and I know Auntie Dor loved you so much.
The last few years have been very difficult, so much loss and sadness, but so many wonderful memories remain. My sweet and loving Mum is reunited with my wonderful Dad - and that gives me comfort even though my heart is breaking. In our family, both near and far, present and departed, we were and are very blessed.
Mum, you’ll be loved and missed always.
Poem
Her Journey’s Just Begun
By Ellen Brenneman
Don’t think of her as gone away
her journey’s just begun
life holds so many facets
this earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days or years.
Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.
And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched
for nothing loved is ever lost
and she was loved so much.
posted by chris @ 9:38 pm
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