confused.....Help?

I tried translating the lyrics of Na pomoc into English, and failed. However, some of the translatons were too funny to forget:-

serbian?

At an beach had prišla so that že leading instant Twig me had obstala of how statue Saj tukaj chasm sem umbilical , a menu nič does not bo ušlo Sem large , adust , this my Mach had telo. Does work in me lure vendar chasm does does not sand I want to them my ustnice , and ji does not worthy Dragnet then genialno , yes we do telo does chill Odpravi does v vodo in že question vsi refrain (2x)

At an voice of the sem zakričala reši reši me Sem mahala z rokami , hallo utapljam does Ko končno me Zagreb zdaj had fairly my Poor bray sploh does not ve , what čaka ga nocoj In latter day utaplja že kar impenitence does deklet ABOUT punce my of priceless value , burro enkrat gre at an led Recognises ste vse saj vendar reševalec this Ujel does had v past le myself v thinker zdaj has a Twitch jo through watery in translated hers utrip Heart močno unassembled čaka merely my dotik Naenkrat me of attack in pripne Polish we vroč ABOUT true-love reševalec res you thanks for wet a little Refrain (3x) At an voice of the had zakričala reši reši me Had mahala z rokami , hallo utapljam does Ko končno me Zagreb zdaj had fairly my Poor bray sploh does not ve , what čaka ga nocoj


slovenian?
Upon trumpery there is prišla without delay yet uppermost wink Trace we there is obstala than statue Coal-fish thereat it's me uppermost , me scratch thingummy bo ušlo There and everywhere vastly , tanned , this moje macho there is trunk. Yourself work plus we invitatory , yet yours truly yourself thingummy I am permitting Želi yourself moje lip , however ji thingummy permissively Thereupon then brilliant adj , yes indeed trunk yourself refrigeration Dispatcher yourself overboard plus yet I am hearing young and old

polish?
To plažo them prišla takoj že prvi hip Opazila me them , command kakor kip Saj toucan jaz sem glavni , meniscus nič ne or else ušlo Sem velik , patch , this my waves them telo. Se labour in me vabi , vendetta jaz se ne pustim Želi si my by word of mouth , and ji ne dovolim Thereupon bye genialno da telo se ohladi Dismissal wage se v vodo in že slišimo vsi

czech?
Within plažo them prišla takoj that prvi hip Opazila me them , purvey kakor kip Saj tukaj jaz hitherward glavni meni nič no bo ušlo Hitherward very zagorel , what my macho them telo. To whelk in me vabi vendar jaz to no wilderness Želi si my ustnice , plus her no allows Potem pa genialno da telo to ohladi Dispatch to within tank in that slišimo vsi

gotta be Slovenian, with a naff translation..